holdmetightletmefall
venture through my lonely dreams, and i can no longer decide …
and i can see myself through your eyes …
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Crazy day
So i reached my GW2 :D yay! I’ve had a plateau for weeks and finally the scale showed me a lower number. The thing, though, is that i’m terrified to eat now, to gain all the weight back, to even drink water… What if by workout made me bloat a bit? What if i consumed too much salt? Didn’t exercise enough or too much? Is there such a thing as too much exercise?
I was so proud of myself yesterday, being able to say no to my invasive thoughts over something that wasn’t real. I was so proud when i skipped dinner and woke up to a much lower weight, but now i’m more anxious than ever!!! SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!
Day 5
Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?
Well this is a good question. I think the main reason is that i’ve never felt good enough. When i was younger, i was bullied with both how i looked and the fact that i was smarter that the other kids. I grew up with little or no positive attention from boys and later on, the ones that seem to have an interest in me still made me feel like i wasn’t good enough. I have never really liked the way i look. I don’t think i have a pretty face or a pretty anything. I have a hard time finding anything i actually like about myself.
I want to lose weight because i want to feel good about myself. I want to be able to look in the mirror and like what i see. I want to feel confident in my own body.
Day 18
What food is your weakness?
Everything high carb or high starch. I love pasta, bread, pizza, potatoes (i.e. fries) and so on. I’m not so much a cake person anymore. I like a bit once in a while, but since i’m vegan, i don’t really have many options unless i make it from scratch myself.
Day 1
Your stats. Weight, Height, Measurements of your body, age and goal weight.
Weight: 67.3 kgs (148.4 lbs)
Height: 169cm (5′7)
Measurements:
- Waist: 81 cm
- Hip: 98 cm
- Thighs: 59 cm
Age: 21 y/o
Goal Weight: Currently my lowest goal weight is 56.5 kgs, but honestly I want to go lower.
Day 2
Food journal:
Breakfast:
Pepsi max (1 cal)
Lunch:
Tomato soup (206 cal)
Garlic bread (500 cal)
Other:
Lemon/cucumber water (20 cal)
Total: 727 cal
Day 8
Your workout routine.
Currently, i don’t really have a specific routine since i’ve been really stressed out. But i used to do a lot of cardio (swimming, cycling and running). Currently i’m mainly aiming to walk at least 10000 steps a day.
Day 9
Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?
YES!!!
I started gaining weight when i was around 10-11 y/o, and i wasn’t the most popular kid, so some of my classmates called me bulldog, because i was fat and i had a patch og goth going on (i know i brought that one upon myself) :/
On the other hand after i lost a lot of weight, some people started commenting on how relatively thinner i’ve gotten and i they made me feel ashamed of wanting to lose weight.
Day 15
Are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or
vegetarian?
I am vegan, but have only been it for 7 months. I have been vegetarian for about 5 years not.
I didn’t do it because i wanted to lose weight, and i didn’t use to eat that much animal products before. A main source of calories have for many been through carbs like pasta or bread.
OMG OMG OMG
So yesterday i took a nap (while fasting) and when i woke i went to the toilet and just out of curiosity i stepped on the scale. I couldn’t believe what i saw. 65.9kgs. I stepped on at least 5 times and moved the scale around to make sure i wasn’t tricked by an uneven floor. Today i thought that i had probably just lost a lot of waterweight yesterday when the scale dropped low, but what did i see when i stepped on the scale today? 65.5kgs !!! i haven’t been 65. something for years :O :O :O AMAZING.
So this amazement is gonna be both my breakfast and lunch today :D